Steel on Flesh

Fragile peace with self
Shattered by the desire
To feel the sharp scream of pain as silver slashes skin
And blood erupts from the vein beneath
Not because cutting turns me on
And damn any idiot that believes anything so stupid
But because the pain that eats into my brain
Sometimes becomes more than I can take
Because madness isn't fun
Or sexy
I don't need your patronizing
Or your mocking
I know right from wrong
Visible from invisible
I don't see things that aren't there
Or hear voices
Although I do talk to spirits.
I haven't cut in years
But I want to now
Because sometimes I want to stop the voice
Of my own self-hate
If I could drag it out of me
I'd cut its damn throat
If I could, I would be happy
And sometimes I am
Pills don't bring joy
Or peace
Only occasional solace from the buzzing of the inner demons that tell me I'm shit.
The angels love the shiny happy people
And run from those whose souls bleed pain
Which is why sometimes steel on flesh
Has been the only way
To eradicate the cancer
Of intolerable psychic agony.

Cie
12/26/2006

To Those Who Think They Know What I Need

Don't try to change me
To fit your view
Of what I should be
To make you more comfortable
Because something about me
Makes me question your values
I am
What I am
Maybe I'm completely mistaken
Maybe I'm utterly mad
Maybe I'm chasing myself in circles
Maybe I'm damned to eternal hellfire
Maybe everything I've ever done or thought or dreamed or believed is one big fucking stupid ugly lie
But don't you ever
ever
ever think
That you have the right
To tell me how to be
You may think you know better
But you don't live inside my soul
So don't you fucking try to force your values
Your beliefs
Your should be's
Onto me!

Cie
12/19/2006

Spirit Of The Moon

Ethereal being, moonlight fair
With opal skin and moonstone hair
Wings of black like the night sky
Disappearing when the day is nigh

Daylight lays bare my misery
To the ridicule of those who see
The sorrow I cannot put to rights
My tears are hidden by the night

The moon-priest holds me to his breast
Safe in his arms allowed to rest
Embracing my secrets tenderly
Never mocking, sets me free

The daylight dwellers ridicule
Call me a madwoman and a fool
But their blind souls will never know
The beauty in the tender glow

Within the moonlight's sweet embrace
Even those despised are given grace
Flaws unacceptable in sun's bright light
Are sometimes beautiful at night

To those seen as ugly and maligned
The Spirit of the Moon is kind
Behind the black of nighttime's shield
The beauty of our souls, revealed.

Cie
12/11/2006

I generally prefer not to write rhyming poems, but I kind of like this one.

Achievable Aspirations

I wish that in my youth I had aspired
To be a fat, ugly, gray-haired old woman
With no accomplishments to show for having achieved vintage status
For I would have succeeded undeniably.

Cie
12/10/2006

THIS is poetry???

Click the title link, and be shocked, disgusted and appalled.
This is NOT poetry. This is stupid!

Done

I don't want to do
What you want me to
Any more
When I'm done with what
I need to get done
I'm winking out
Like a genie going back into it's bottle
And I'm taking the goddamn bottle with me
So you can't bother me
With your wants
Needs
or unwanted desires
Any more
Your scapegoat is escaping
Your vicarious dreams are gone
In a puff of smoke
Your sacrificial lamb is growing horns
I'm gone
I'm done
I'm through
With your wants
Your wishes
Your needs
And you.

Cie
11/20/2006

The Soil Of My Heart

The soil of my heart is poison
Bitter ground in which nothing good can grow
My hatred and my pain
Toxins in my veins
I spit venom and frighten away
All who would propose to save me
Save yourself
What you see here is the walking dead
No sweetness
No light
No goodness
No hope
Your kindness shall fall on a corpse's deaf ears
My blood is venom
My touch, death
My words, despair
Hate flows through my veins
Cursing me to continue hearing
The mocking of my hollow heart
If you cut me, I bleed acid
Searing your flesh
I tear away
Hiding back in the night with the rotting things
Dead and corrupt inside
Like me

Cie
10/03/2006

Free Me

Let me out of myself
Before I suffocate in the vacuum
Of the emptiness in my heart
And the hopelessness in my mind.

Cie
11/03/2006

A Bit Surreal

Hellish Beauty
Viewing the Lucifer beauty
Of a gossamer cloud stained rose, teal and golden by jet fuel
I realized that the gates of Hell are opulently adorned
And guarded by pornographic seraphs
Offering myriad empty pleasures of the flesh
No holds barred.

Cie
10/28/2006

Beneath the Surface

This poem is excerpted from my book, which should be out next summer.

Beneath the Surface

Forgotten over the years
Pushed to the back of minds weighed down with mundane concerns
He waits in solitude for the day
When someone may remember, and keep him company

A chill wind blows from the north
Reminding one who lives along the shore
Of someone she held dear in time long past
Yet the thought is more a whisper than a shout

He feels the pain of being a promise broken
Yet still he abides behind the veil
A soul immortal cannot die
But can be buried by the wretchedness of anguish borne alone

He looks down upon the sea below his vantage point
And longs to be free of his boundless solitude
He extends his arms, and falling forward from the height, joins the sea birds in their flight
Twisting, wheeling, unafraid

The soul immortal cannot die
He touches surf and is drawn beneath the waves
The sun reflects off the surface of the water,
Revealing a dark, familiar shape below

Along another shore in a world far away
A woman feels a pang within her breast
She is weary and wishes she could sleep forever
And walk the shores of an eternal dream

Something lies beneath the surface of her memories
A treasure that she lost long ago
Someone who understood the unflagging sorrow
A breath inhaled and exhaled, lost forever

She will reach beyond the veil this night
And take the hand of the one who waits
Forgotten to the conscious mind that buries dreams beneath stacks of unpaid bills
Burdened by joys thrust aside in favor of unending toil

Some things cannot be explained away by logic
Tested away by science, prayed away by dogmatic religion
She has labored long and hard for futile gain
Happiness has waited long enough

Tonight she shall sail away to join the one who waits beneath the waves
To dwell on shadowed shores where the blinding light of the orthodoxy never reaches
She is weary of a world wherein to survive she must forget what she holds most dear
Tonight is her last night among the striving masses

Tonight at last he rises from the sea
To dwell forever in the shadows of a land
Created by the dark dreams of souls misunderstood
Never again shall he abide alone
For at last he has someone to dream with

Copyright 2006
Cara L. Hartley

Why Is This Place So Damn Gloomy???

Mostly because I can't write poetry when I'm happy. Anything I try to write when I'm feeling good is either funny or it just plain sucks.

Reversal of Fortune

Reversal of Fortune
See how everything crumbles when all hope is gone
Watch the world fall apart inside my troubled mind
What was beautiful in the eyes of the destroyed becomes monstrous
Watch as hope before me bleeds and dies
Watch as love turns to hate
Watch as dreams turn to nightmares
Watch as everything I've worked for crumbles into dust
Watch me wander through the ruins of every shattered dream
Every ruined hope
Every foolish wish
And laugh at the reversal of my imagined fortune
Laugh and revel
That you are "normal"
That your expectations do not exceed your reality
But if you had my reality
Your wishes too would be lies
I was born to die
But not allowed to live between the dates on my headstone.
Cie
10/16/2006

Undecided

A feeling of terrible loneliness and betrayal washes over me
But I don't know if the sadness I experience is from my wounded heart
Or just my fucked up brain.

Cie
09/28/2006

Shakespeare Sonnet #80

Sonnet #80
LXXX.
O, how I faint when I of you do write,
Knowing a better spirit doth use your name,
And in the praise thereof spends all his might,
To make me tongue-tied, speaking of your fame!
But since your worth, wide as the ocean is,
The humble as the proudest sail doth bear,
My saucy bark inferior far to his
On your broad main doth wilfully appear.
Your shallowest help will hold me up afloat,
Whilst he upon your soundless deep doth ride;
Or being wreck'd, I am a worthless boat,
He of tall building and of goodly pride:
Then if he thrive and I be cast away,
The worst was this; my love was my decay.

Deadly Secret

The secret inside me
Is a raging infection
A boil threatening to burst
Spewing its polluted contents through my blood
Destroying my soul

My secret is a festering, infected wound
Deep inside of me
Hidden from the world
Exuding a putrid stench
That no-one but me can smell

My secret is the shame held by
Anyone who has ever been violated
The filth that can never be washed away
The unbidden, unwanted arousal over unwanted thoughts
The sickness over the parts we hide beneath our clothes

And no matter how often I remind myself
That others hold similar secrets
Mine still feels like the filthiest secret in the world
And I feel like the world's filthiest liar
Cloaking the infection from the world
Whenever I speak

Cie
09/11/2006

Alone With Myself

Tonight the pain within my heart
Flows out on a river of wasted tears
Alone with the moon shining coldly down on my agony
Alone with the sound of no-one's footsteps at my door
Alone with the sound of my breaking heart
Alone with only the pathology of my distorted thoughts
I don't know what love is
I only know obsession and loss
Desire is not love
And this can't be love
Because love is not pain
Desperation is not desire
But desire can be confused with obsession
I wait
Dangerously alone
Obsessed with no-one I can see
Desiring something I can't touch
Desperate for something I can't have
Alone with my thoughts torturing me
My mind twists around itself
And I slowly
Painfully
Go insane

Cie
08/15/2006

Unrequited Again

Unrequited Again

Hate myself.
Hate my stupid life.
I would want to come be with you
Except I know I'm not the one you want.

I don't want to find nobody new
It hurts too much whenever it's done
Guess I don't want nobody at all
I just want this shit to be finished.

I miss a love that never was
I miss believing that I could be loved
I miss you more than anything
But I don't want to live a lie

Born to weep
Born to lose
Born to die
But not soon enough

Cie
08/13/2006

True Beauty

Beauty on the inside
Is more difficult to see
Than beauty external
But far more precious when uncovered
Unfading
Eternal

Cie
08/09/2006

Beautiful

For everyone who has ever been the victim of incest or molestation as a child

May you know that you are beautiful
In spite of the ugliness that was inflicted on you
Don't let the one that did this to you win!
Don't punish yourself for their sick act
Don't hate yourself for their perversion
Don't cut your precious flesh
Don't despise your wounded soul
Don't bring yourself to an untimely end
As so many have before you
Because they couldn't stand the pain
Of the violation inflicted
Upon the innocent child that they were
Once you have been transgressed this way
You always feel soiled inside
And nothing can remove the stain
Not scrubbing your skin till it bleeds
Or drinking to purify the blight
Or stuffing your emotions back inside with too much food
Shooting up, smoking up or taking pills
What is it that can make us realize
That like a scar on the outside
The scars that others have inflicted on our psyches
May leave us less than perfect
But nonetheless still beautiful
Especially within the part of us that no violation can ever touch
Our eternal soul

Cie
08/06/2006

On Life and Death

Dying reconciles everything, I suppose.
And like love, breaks hearts of those left behind.

Cie
08/05/2006

me gusta la noche

me gusta la noche
I wish I could leave comments at Little Nomad's blog. I love her spicy, hit and run style! It's really worth a look. You'll smile!

Trinity

She walks along the length of the couch
Across the computer keyboard
Stops to be scratched between the ears
She stands on her hind legs with her feet against the wall and meows
Everywhere I go she follows
She wants to be petted and praised
She doesn't like to sit on laps
Doesn't like to be held
Won't sleep any closer to you than your feet
I don't entirely understand her motivation
Nor do I understand how her owners could have abandoned such a beautiful animal
I know I'm glad she found me
And I would never dispose of my friend that way
She brings joy to the worst of days
I would say that she's more wonderful than she knows
But she's a cat, after all
So of course she knows she's wonderful.

Cie
08/03/2006

My Limitations

I'd like to trust you
But I don't know how
Any more than I know how to
Raise the dead
Snuff out the sun
Turn silver to gold
End war
Soothe the millions
Who hurt and cry

I'd like to believe you when you say you care for me
Above all others
But I can't
Any more than I can believe
That time heals all wounds
That the world is flat
That everything happens for a reason
That the universe revolves around the Earth
That God gives a damn about us

With so many more beautiful
More willing to give in immediately
Willing to serve you any way you ask
How can I believe you
When you say you love me?
I guess I'm just limited that way.

Cie
08/02/2006

Crazy Good!

Click the title link to see an idea whose time has come!
Found on the Dumbfoundry blog. A blog which is highly superior to mine and which I don't visit nearly as often as I should. :-)

The Destructive Power Of

A wave of jealousy washed over me
And I in turn drowned you in a wave of anger
Triggered by a betrayal
That happened many years ago
In every perceived slight
I still see its spectre
I grieve that I allowed the denizen of this unquiet grave
To rise up in the desecrated ground of my heart
And cast its malignant chill
Over the warmth I feel for you

Cie
07/30/2006

Dark Obsession

I'm not ashamed of you
And if I only could
I'd let the world know the way I feel
I treasure your peculiar beauty
The predatory look in your eyes
And the way you sink your fangs into my heart
Injecting your venom like a snake
Destroying all hope within my soul
But I can't risk letting anyone know
For I would only be seen as mad
And others who are as obsessed with you as I
Would seek to destroy what was left of me
You never used me as you did some of them
You let me know from the start
That I didn't measure up
I told the world that I didn't care
But when I am alone at night I dream of you
If you promised you would treasure my heart
I would let you cut it from my chest
If you promised you would cleave to my soul I'd sell it to you
Along with any chance for future happiness
What must I do to merit your attention?
You treat me with disdain and I endure your devaluation
You smile at me but for a moment and I soar above my degredation
I can tell no-one of the truth between you and me
"It isn't healthy," they would say
It's an addiction
An obsession
And they are right
But I would rather have cancer eat away what's left of my decaying heart
Than to lose the slender thread by which I cling to you
Dark hearted beauty
Twisted treasure
You are the secret which I keep
You are my dark obsession

Cie
07/29/2006

Doubt

A hell of doubt
Surrounds
Compounds
And threatens to destroy
Everything

Cie
07/29/2006

Helpless

I feel so helpless
There's nothing I can do
For you
You've gone too deep into the night
Too far down the stairs to hell
No words I say can bring you light
I feel afraid
Lost too many people
Don't want to lose another
My life has been falling apart from birth
Can't we help each other stand
Instead of trying to stand alone
Against the tides of everything?
I feel so useless
Why can't my sincere feelings reach you
Why can't my friendship be enough to save you
From this pit of misery
I feel so alone
No-one to turn to
No-one can help me save you
You can't hear unless you want to
And I can't say anything more
On a planet with billions of people
In the end
We all die alone

Cie
07/27/2006

suicide

SUICIDE
The flesh is rent
The blood flows
Yet still the pain remains
The wound made deeper to extract
The intolerable anguish
Yet it remains
Deeply imbedded
Beyond the reach of the knife
Too slowly the blood flows
More drastic measures must be taken
To eliminate the pain
The life of the body ceases in a blinding flash
The life that was given ripped asunder in a moment
The soul, to its dismay, realizes too late
That deep within its core the pain remains

Love from my heart to the only one who truly understands my pain
This is his poem.
It's beautiful and sad
Like him.
07/19/2006

Lies or Misunderstandings

LIES
Why do you lie
And pretend you care
Pretend to me
And yourself
That you wanted to be there
And when I need you
When I need a friend
When I need a shoulder
You run away
Gone
Was I something
That was interesting
At the beginning
But in the end
Being my friend
Was too complicated
Or was I too boring
Why
Do you lie
Did you pretend
You wanted a friend
When what you really wanted
Was something glamorous
That's not me
Or couldn't you see
My outsides don't lie
They reflect the I
That lives inside
Broken and twisted
Damaged goods
Forever scarred
Like the posessions that remain
After a house fire
Or the marks that remain on the skin
Of the victim of an accident
Or a beating
Or the scars that reside inside
From years of abuse
Betrayal
Abandonment
It is not wonderful to have a friend
For in the end
They all
Lie
And leave me alone again
Cie
07/17/2006

Keep Away

KEEP AWAY
Don't get to know me
Don't offer your friendship to me
Keep away from me
You'll only hurt me

Remain superficial
Then everything stays safe
Ethereal kindness that means nothing
A connection without substance
Don't come closer
Keep away

A heart of stone feels no pain
But mine is flesh
And filled with all the raw emotions of my soul
Keep away
You'll only lie
End up telling me goodbye
Let's don't let it get that far
Keep your distance
Sweet and shallow
Meaningless, ethereal

Don't raise my hopes to drop me from the height
Don't make me think everything's all right
It never is once they find out how I am
So do me a favor if you want to be my friend
And keep away from me

Cie
06/18/2006

My Shadow

He wraps himself around me
Arms and legs
Silent heartbeat
Ethereal warmth
Taking the edge off the growing chill
The shivering caused by too many years
Lived without hope

Cie
06/10/2006

Lord of Night

The sorrows of the day past crush me down
I wish for solace, to escape the acid tears that sting my eyes
I long for the moment when I may finally lay to rest
Encompassed in your silken indigo embrace
Lord of Night, grant me the soothing oblivion of your caress
Wash away my sorrows with your nepenthe
Rock my troubled soul as on the waves of a calm ocean
And receive for your own the warmth of my devotion
Lord of Night, salvation of my soul
Cie
06/07/2006

Numb Again

Please remember that I'm here
Please try to connect to me
For if you forget me for too long
Then I'll be forced to forget about you
To push you to the back of my mind
And the bottom of my aching heart
Maybe I really don't matter to you
And you're tired of me trying
I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt
But the first betrayal is the worst
The ones that follow a numb ache
So please remember
Because, sadly
With the dull throb of a heart too many times broken
I'm starting to believe
I should forget about you
Don't throw me a crumb now and then
Either nourish the connection
Or break it
And forget it
And leave me
Numb again.
Cie
05/30/2006

Makeup Mask

I sometimes wonder
how many times
I have stopped
my tears from flowing
so as not to smear
my mascara
and my image of flawless cool

Cie
05/27/2006

I Don't Want To

I don't want to hear
That you never loved me
That I was in this alone
That you used me like the rest of them
Until you tired of me
I don't want to hear
That you never thought me beautiful
That I never made your eyes sparkle
That I never touched your heart
I don't want to hear
That it was fun for a while
That I misunderstood your intentions
That I was just a bump in the road
That she's prettier than me
That what we had didn't mean anything
I don't want to hear
That I was nothing but a lie
That you were nothing but a dream
That I fooled myself
That you were just having fun
I don't want to hear
That I was as stupid as I know I am
I don't want to hear that it's over
I don't want to hear that it never existed
I don't want to hear myself cry
I don't want to hear anyone else lie
And say they love me
I don't want to hear
Anymore

Cie
04/19/2006

Requiem

SHOULD'A
Should'a got drunk
Or done drugs to get through
Should'a done damn near anything
But what you chose to do

Should'a run screaming
Or howled at the moon
But you locked yourself up
With a gun in your room

I know how it feels
To be so alone
No-one understands
And you can't go home

There's so many other things
You should'a done
But you forget what to do
When your life's come undone

Some people say
That you should buck up and smile
They should try living
In pain for a while

Please understand
When I'm angry with you
I'm also trying to tell me
What I shouldn't do

TWO ALIKE
Too completely alike
Two souls isolated
One life that's been taken
One death contemplated

I saw you in a dream
You said it was your worst mistake
I try to listen to your wisdom
And not my heartache

Throughout this whole mess
One thing seems incomplete
Why two sorry people
Couldn't have been allowed to meet

Maybe we're too wrapped up in our pain
To be any damn kind of use
But if we shared compassion
It might counteract the abuse

I love you because I understand
I hate you because you didn't wait
We're two alike
I'm trying to escape a like fate

TORN APART
You'll never know what it would be like to have someone understand your pain
I'll never know what it would be like to have someone understand my rage
It does you no good for me to tell you that you royally fucked up
You already know, and I believe you're trying to help me not to make the same mistake
But it would be a whole hell of a lot easier to get it
If I were talking to a person with a face that I could see outside my dreams
With hands that could take the blade and pills from my hands
With a voice that I could hear in my ears
A friend that I could have in my waking reality
I believe the soul transcends death
But I still think it would be better if you could have conquered life
Learned what it is to be strong
And shared your strength with me
But you can't take back what happened
So the only thing that you can teach me now
Is that you can't fix the thing that's tearing you apart inside
By tearing yourself apart physically

MISUNDERSTOOD
Misunderstood then
Misunderstood now
Misunderstood forever
Could it help if you knew that someone understands?
Or is it truly too late
I understand
And I give a damn
May the peace that you never had in life
Be upon you in the afterlife
May your wounds heal
And may you learn to have compassion for yourself
RIP
Friend whom I wasn't able to know in life
But whom I care about in spirit

Cie

Written 04/05/06
For Per Yngve Ohlin
January 16, 1969-April 8, 1991
Read his poetry
Read my tribute to him at the Shadow Sphere

The Beautiful Dreams of an Unbeautiful Dreamer

THE BEAUTIFUL DREAMS OF AN UNBEAUTIFUL DREAMER
I lie safe and happy in the arms of the perfect man
Not perfect in face or body
But perfectly sweet in spirit
Gentle in manner
A little bit shy
A little bit strange
Big sense of humor
Tempered with a little sadness
Strong, long-fingered hands
Caressing, appreciating
The parts of me I hate the most
Deep, warm kisses, only for me
Drawing me out of the shell of my fear
Into his arms and his heart
Returning his sweet love
I wake alone in my shabby room
Except for the animals wanting to be fed
And the neighbor's children shouting and jumping on the trampoline.
Cie
03/30/2006

But Is It Art??

Click the title link for a laugh. I don't know if it's poetry. I know it ain't literature! But it rhymes. And it's funny. In my book, that's worth something for sure!
The Deadly Cheesemeister

Rex Venom

Rex Venom
Straight dudes and lesbian ladies will like the pictures.
I, who am an Externally Straight Woman with an Inner Gay Dude, like the poetry!

If I Followed You

If I Followed You

What would you do if I followed you?
When I'm so tired and sad inside
Feeling as unloved as you seemed to be
Would you give the love that you needed to me?

What would you do if I followed you?
Would you chase me away if I came near?
No-one's ever invited me to stay in their world
Unless they wanted to use me for something
Why should you be the exception?

What would you do if I followed you?
Would you take me into your heart?
Would you bury me alive in your rage and pain?
Would you hate me as much as you hated everything?

What would you do if I followed you?
Would you wash my soul clean with your tears?
Would you love me as much as you need to be loved?
Or would you discard me as you were discarded by life?

What would you do if I followed you?
Would you give me the understanding you crave?
Or would you mock me as you have been mocked?
Can the wounded ever hope to be healed?
Or are we doomed to cause one another eternal misery?

Following nothing I offer my love to no-one
I sacrifice my pain to nothing
I weep at the grave of no-one
And I drown the world in my desolate tears

Cie
02/13/2006

Let Sylvia Say It

Can't think of one of my own...
So here's one by Sylvia Plath.
You've probably read it.
But I want to post it!

Mad Girl's Love Song
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
--Sylvia Plath

shyloh's Poetry

shyloh's Poetry
Pretty poetry. Not melancholy and morose like my stuff. So if you need to brighten up before you hang yourself after reading what I've written, and the works of other dispirited favorites, go here!
Peace,
The Cheesemeister

Zya's Ramblings

Zya's Ramblings
There are beautiful and impressive things to be found here. Take a look!

Thoughts are Things

THOUGHTS ARE THINGS
Thoughts are things
And my thoughts are
Vampires, ghouls
Soul-destroying murderers
Obliterating all happiness and light
Possessing me
Obsessing me
With things I never wished to see
Thoughts are things
My thoughts are
The faces of the dead who know no rest
Maddened, demon posessed
Tortured souls who know no salvation
Calling out to me for a gentle touch I can no longer give
Tearing at my already lacerated, battered heart
Making me wish for oblivion
No love
No hope
No salvation
No holy bringers of kindness
My thoughts are winged dragons of sorrow
Darkening all light
All hope for salvation lost
In eternal night
Behind thoughts of despair
From a soul who weeps eternally
Cie
02/05/2006

My Vogon Poetry--get yours!

Warning! Reading this could be deadly!
It's my very own Vogon poem!
Click the title link to get one for yourself.

See, see the exhausting sky
Marvel at its big mustard depths.
Tell me, Scot do you
Wonder why the mole rat ignores you?
Why its foobly stare makes you feel ****ty.

I can tell you, it is
Worried by your florgrax facial growth
That looks like A mold.
What's more, it knows
Your plop potting shed
Smells of brussels sprout.
Everything under the big exhausting sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm methanes.

Close To Midnight

It's closing in on midnight
And I'm doing too much thinking
Maybe I'd be better off
If I quit thinking and started drinking

It's closing in on midnight
And no-one knows I'm here
As lonely and as cold as space
Too weary to shed a tear

An open wound, abraded heart
Lost in a world of frozen lives
Suicide, dying bride
No-one even tries

It's closing in on midnight
And I am all alone
No-one even haunts my thoughts
My heart is cold as stone

A trust betrayed too many times
Leads to a soul gone dead
I'm more alone than I've ever been
Without even a vision in my head

It's closing in on midnight
I'm alone in bad company
Sometimes your dreams are your best friends
But your thoughts are your enemies

No one sees you when you're alive
Or notices your suicide
I've considered being dead
But it's ethereal loneliness instead

It's closing in on midnight
And I wonder why I was born
Selfish souls don't notice when you're alive
And when you're dead, black hearts don't mourn

No-one really knows me
And I don't expect them to care
But there are times when I truly wish
That someone would be there

It's closing in on midnight
And I've no more to say
Don't suggest meds, I'm already on 'em
This is just a fucked up day

From my pissed off bipolar head to your computer screen:
Cie

Dream of Love

You were only a dream of
Undying love
Something that could have been
But never was
You went away
And left me to dream alone
You briefly touched my troubled soul
And caused my dormant heart to stir within
But you were only a dream
A fleeting vision
A butterfly with broken wings
You left too soon
Or I woke too quickly
Now you are only a memory of
Unrequited love
Too ethereal to be real
Too painful to be an illusion
My love for you is like looking in a mirror
That casts no reflection
My dream of holding you is like swimming in air
Nothing really there to hold me up
I can only fall and crash
You were only a dream of
Eternal love
And I woke too soon.
1/15/2006

When You Can't Think Of One of your Own...

Just Go With The Poe!
This is Version I of a poem that Edgar Allan apparently wrote with his brother William Henry.

The Happiest Day
The happiest day — the happiest hour,
My sear'd and blighted heart has known,
The brightest glance of pride and power
I feel hath flown —

Of power, said I? Yes, such I ween —
But it has vanish'd — long alas!
The visions of my youth have been —
But let them pass. —

And pride! what have I now with thee?
Another brow may e'en inherit
The venom thou hast pour'd on me :
Be still my spirit.

The smile of love — soft friendship's charm —
Bright hope itself has fled at last,
'T will ne'er again my bosom warm—
'Tis ever past.

The happiest day, — the happiest hour,
Mine eyes shall see, — have ever seen, —
The brightest glance of pride and power,
I feel has been.

Edgar Allan and William Henry Poe
1827

New Years Blast from the Past

The new year was 1987, you see
The players from left to right are Dudes 1, 2 and 3
It was time to party and everyone had a task
To make this the wildest ever new years type bash
Dude 1 was the man put in charge of the sound
Dude 2 needed to make sure there were enough drinks to go 'round
Dude 3 was the fella providing the house
But needed to buy traps for the stirring-type mouse
So these wise guys three went each to complete his task
A recipe for disaster? Need you even ask?

Dude 1 chose the loudest music to play through the night
Sure to give all of the calmer neighbors a fright
Dude 2 found a punch recipe and bought a case of cheap rum
Along with wine and some beer so as to please everyone
Dude 3 bought all the mousetraps left at the store
Then went down the block to score a few dozen more
One and three set up the speakers and went to buy food
Leaving the mixing of the egg nog to the number 2 dude

Dude 2 mixed up the nog and thought it just a tad mild
Which wouldn't do at a party where things would get wild
So he dumped another bottle of rum in the mix
But it still didn't seem to have enough kick
If two bottles weren't enough, he thought he'd better add four
Took a few swigs for good measure and threw the empty jugs on the floor
When his two friends came back, he was well on the path
To getting into the spirit of the new year's eve bash

The party got going and it was rowdy and loud
People just driving by stopped to join with the crowd
When midnight came round the clock bell tolled in the town
But it was well past drowned out from the noise going down
Things kept on rockin' and showed no signs of stoppin'
Till the cops came to the door and started loudly to knockin'

The three hosts of the party staggered out on the stoop
The cops couldn't help but chuckle at this unruly group
"Say guys," the one said, "could you turn down the tunes?
You're playing it so loud we're getting complaints from the moon!"
"Fush off!" said Dude 1, who'd had well past too much.
"Either come in and get wasted, or take off in a rush."
"Wow, look at the moons," Dude two slurred drunkenly.
"There ain't just one there no more, I shink I see two or three."
"Man, you are so wasted," Dude 3 said on cue
"You reek so of rum that I can see three of you!"

The cops finally convinced them to turn the stereo down
'Cause they really didn't want to bother to take them downtown
"They'll just puke in the jail," one cop said to the other.
"And I'm really not in the mood to call anyone's mother.
Besides, come tomorrow, they'll pay for their folly
So as long as they're quiet, might as well let 'em be jolly.
So fellas, don't do anything that I wouldn't do
As it is, come tomorrow, it will suck to be you!"

That cop must have been psychic, for come the next day
The Hangover Piper was making the partiers pay
For overindulging in too much libation
Their train had pulled into Crapulence Station
Dude One lay in the corner whimpering like a sad dog
Dude Two lay on the bed feeling like he'd been beat with a clog
Dude Three lay in the closet to drown out the noise
Of the groaning and moaning from the other two boys

"My mouth tastes like I've been chewing on somebody's shoe,"
Dude One griped as he opened the curtains to let light in the room
"God damn, will you close 'em, my eyes are on fire!"
Dude Two screamed with the voice of a sunstruck vampire
"Could you guys shut up, you're hurting my brain,"
Dude three cried from the closet, his voice full of pain.

A mere moment later there was a knock at the door
Dude One opened it up to find a note on the floor
It was written in a scribbly, scratchity way
He had to look at it twice to see what it had to say
"A memo from the mice," is what the note read
"Your dumb traps didn't work--we just hid under the bed.
We had a party of our own with the leftover grog
Tell that tall blond friend of yours he makes a good nog.
Next time save the money you spent on the traps
And buy some more cheese and other good crap.
Make peace with us and we won't piss in your beer.
Look forward to partying again the same time next year!"

So to all who read this I hope your new year's eve was the tops
And that you didn't drink and drive, 'cause then you'll spend new year's day with the cops!

Peace to y'all
And apologies to the guys in the photo.
It's just that they kinda look like they fell under the spout of a beer keg before their photo shoot started! And it was good beer, so they couldn't let it go to waste. I fully understand! It's happened to me before. But we won't talk about that right now!
Hopefully they'd be happy that they inspired such righteous rhyme.
'Twas wrought with much love as I matched words and time!

Happy New Year to all,
from
Ms. Cheese 2006