Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Alone With Myself

Tonight the pain within my heart
Flows out on a river of wasted tears
Alone with the moon shining coldly down on my agony
Alone with the sound of no-one's footsteps at my door
Alone with the sound of my breaking heart
Alone with only the pathology of my distorted thoughts
I don't know what love is
I only know obsession and loss
Desire is not love
And this can't be love
Because love is not pain
Desperation is not desire
But desire can be confused with obsession
I wait
Dangerously alone
Obsessed with no-one I can see
Desiring something I can't touch
Desperate for something I can't have
Alone with my thoughts torturing me
My mind twists around itself
And I slowly
Painfully
Go insane

Cie
08/15/2006

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Unrequited Again

Unrequited Again

Hate myself.
Hate my stupid life.
I would want to come be with you
Except I know I'm not the one you want.

I don't want to find nobody new
It hurts too much whenever it's done
Guess I don't want nobody at all
I just want this shit to be finished.

I miss a love that never was
I miss believing that I could be loved
I miss you more than anything
But I don't want to live a lie

Born to weep
Born to lose
Born to die
But not soon enough

Cie
08/13/2006

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

True Beauty

Beauty on the inside
Is more difficult to see
Than beauty external
But far more precious when uncovered
Unfading
Eternal

Cie
08/09/2006

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Beautiful

For everyone who has ever been the victim of incest or molestation as a child

May you know that you are beautiful
In spite of the ugliness that was inflicted on you
Don't let the one that did this to you win!
Don't punish yourself for their sick act
Don't hate yourself for their perversion
Don't cut your precious flesh
Don't despise your wounded soul
Don't bring yourself to an untimely end
As so many have before you
Because they couldn't stand the pain
Of the violation inflicted
Upon the innocent child that they were
Once you have been transgressed this way
You always feel soiled inside
And nothing can remove the stain
Not scrubbing your skin till it bleeds
Or drinking to purify the blight
Or stuffing your emotions back inside with too much food
Shooting up, smoking up or taking pills
What is it that can make us realize
That like a scar on the outside
The scars that others have inflicted on our psyches
May leave us less than perfect
But nonetheless still beautiful
Especially within the part of us that no violation can ever touch
Our eternal soul

Cie
08/06/2006

Saturday, August 05, 2006

On Life and Death

Dying reconciles everything, I suppose.
And like love, breaks hearts of those left behind.

Cie
08/05/2006

Thursday, August 03, 2006

me gusta la noche

me gusta la noche
I wish I could leave comments at Little Nomad's blog. I love her spicy, hit and run style! It's really worth a look. You'll smile!

Trinity

She walks along the length of the couch
Across the computer keyboard
Stops to be scratched between the ears
She stands on her hind legs with her feet against the wall and meows
Everywhere I go she follows
She wants to be petted and praised
She doesn't like to sit on laps
Doesn't like to be held
Won't sleep any closer to you than your feet
I don't entirely understand her motivation
Nor do I understand how her owners could have abandoned such a beautiful animal
I know I'm glad she found me
And I would never dispose of my friend that way
She brings joy to the worst of days
I would say that she's more wonderful than she knows
But she's a cat, after all
So of course she knows she's wonderful.

Cie
08/03/2006

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

My Limitations

I'd like to trust you
But I don't know how
Any more than I know how to
Raise the dead
Snuff out the sun
Turn silver to gold
End war
Soothe the millions
Who hurt and cry

I'd like to believe you when you say you care for me
Above all others
But I can't
Any more than I can believe
That time heals all wounds
That the world is flat
That everything happens for a reason
That the universe revolves around the Earth
That God gives a damn about us

With so many more beautiful
More willing to give in immediately
Willing to serve you any way you ask
How can I believe you
When you say you love me?
I guess I'm just limited that way.

Cie
08/02/2006