What If A Day

What if a day or a month or a year
Crown thy delights with a thousand sweet contentings
May not the change of a night or an hour
Cross thy desires with as many sad tormentings
Fortune, honor, beauty youth
Are but blossoms dying
Wanton pleasure, doting love
Are but shadows flying
All our joys are but toys
Idle thoughts deceiving
None hath power of an hour
In their lives' bereaving

Earth's but a point to the world, and a man
Is but a point to the world's compared centure
Shall than the point of a point be so vain
As to triumph in a silly point's adventure?
As is hazard that we have
There is nothing biding
Days of pleasure are like streams
Through fair meadows gliding
Weal and woe, time doth go
Time is never turning
Secret fates guide our states
Both in mirth and mourning

--Thomas Campion
1606

Heart of Darkness

I have descended again into the heart of darkness
Don't know how long I will remain
Don't want to be good
Don't want to be bad
Just want to finish rotting
Just want to be done
This can't be living
Does dying hurt so much?
I wish somebody knew me

Genius Poetry

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A Dangerous Flirtation

Those who have never been lost in the unending gloom
Of the dark night of the soul
Can never understand
And will turn up their noses and revel in the illusion of false superiority
And they will never know
That suicide becomes harder to resist
When death has a pretty face
To match his soothing embrace
The desire to become his eternal beloved
Is almost irresistible.

Lily
11/11/2007

Wasting Time

Your Love Type: ENFJ

The Giver In love, you give your all and feel guilty when relationships fail. For you, sex is not seperate from love and caring. Overall, you are humorous, giving, and motivational. However, you tend to be over-protective and critical of your partner. Best matches: INFP or ISFP

What's Your Love Type?

I hate it when these things are accurate!

Brooding

Shrouded, I walk the night

Cloaked in my suspicions

Hiding in shadows

I would like to believe you when you say you love me

But it seems too good to be true

I fear it must be gratitude

For I am not good enough to warrant the touch

Of even the lowliest creature on the earth

Let alone one so beautiful as you.

October 24 2007

Lies Resurfacing

Day after day my soul turns dry and brown
Like flowers on a long forgotten grave
Yesterday is dead and tomorrow is a screaming nightmare
Why the fuck should I want to greet tomorrow
When its promise is nothing but a hollow lie?

Do you want me to lie and tell you that everything is rosy sunshine sky blue
When really everything is a stinking cesspool cemetery
Where the coffins have been pushed to the surface by the earthquakes of remembered misery
Yesterday is an agreed upon set of bullshit
Tomorrow is a fucking illusion
And today is an empty set of broken promises

I think all I want is to be left alone
In bad company
With the rotting corpses of my dead hopes
In the long-forgotten graveyard
Of my murdered dreams.

Bad

How meaningless I am
And when I am sad
Everybody disappears
Nobody hears.

Lily

Icehouse Angel Street

It's a song, but I think it's poetic too.

Icehouse - Angel Street Lyrics

she draws the curtain wide
and brushes back her hair
she stands before the mirror
wondering what to wear
but she knows no one will care
so easy to forget
just another sad affair
the girl on angel street
so she waits for the call
knowing only too well
a photograph a dusty window
where the sun strays in
everywhere the sounds of morning
as the day begins
people waiting at the station
do they go nowhere
two lines that stretch out in the distance
turn and disappear
but she knows no one will care
so easy to forget
just another sad affair
with the girl on angel street
so she waits for the call
and she waits for so long
knowing only too well
she tells herself there must be more
toujour l'amour l'amour
but she knows no one will care
so easy to forget
just another sad affair
with the girl on angel street
so easy to forget
the girl on angel street
she knows no one will care
so easy to forget
just another sad affair
the girl on angel street
she knows no one will care
so easy to forget
just another sad affair
with the girl on angel street
so easy to forget
with the girl on angel street
so easy to forget
just another sad affair
with the girl on angel street
so easy to forget
just another sad affair
the girl on angel street

Lonely world

Misunderstood with words unspoken
Misunderstood when I speak
Lonely death with heart that's broken
Misery is all I find
Understanding is all I seek.

Blessed sleep and cursed sorrow
The sleep I would most bless
Is death.

Wait

I wait for the hate
When someone again tells me
I'm too much of a freak to be bothered with
Defective
I know
And you wonder why
I am unable to trust.

Sharing Shakespeare

Sonnet #51

Thus can my love excuse the slow offence
Of my dull bearer when from thee I speed:
From where thou art why should I haste me thence?
Till I return, of posting is no need.
O, what excuse will my poor beast then find,
When swift extremity can seem but slow?
Then should I spur, though mounted on the wind;
In winged speed no motion shall I know:
Then can no horse with my desire keep pace;
Therefore desire of perfect'st love being made,
Shall neigh--no dull flesh--in his fiery race;
But love, for love, thus shall excuse my jade;
Since from thee going he went wilful-slow,
Towards thee I'll run, and give him leave to go.

Beauty Within

Sting and flash of silver
Blade rends flesh
The only thing of beauty about me
The blood that flows
Bearing the pain from within to the the surface
The blade strikes again
The only thing I know how to do right
More scars form
The blade strikes again

Under My Skin

Burrowing under my skin like maggots
The self-hatred of my decaying soul
Stagnation killing what was left of my dreams
Acid tears burn away my heart
And what is left of my hope
A putrefying corpse
Bloated and pulsing with the flies
Exploding beneath the skin
The revenge of every dead dream
I, the walking dead
Victim of my bitterness and hate
Eating away at what is left of me
My dead dreams
Rot away my life
Sorrow explodes with in
Appearing alive without
The stench of the decaying truth
As I decay within my own skin.

SI

It has become my strong opinion
That the greatest gift I could give the world
Would be to rid it of the plague of myself.

A Poem for my Stalker

Sometimes we write a poem
About someone we love
About the beauty of a love returned
About the sorrow of love lost
The pain of love unrequited
The innocence of the love for a child
The power of love for sister or brother
The joy of love for a friend

But that's not what this poem is about
This poem is words wasted upon a waste of life
A creature that confounds
Dismays
Disgusts
Discourages
Plagues
Troubles
And pisses me off
For impinging his vile presence upon my thoughts

Hate
does not equal
Love

Get
it
through
your
thick
stupid
skull

And leave me the hell alone!

To my stupid stalker
The only thing any woman will ever dedicate to you
Are words describing how vile she thinks you are

There was never romance between us
Except in your delusional head
I never met you in person
Never gave you reason to believe that I was anything but a compassionate acquaintance
Never flirted
Never played hard to get
Because I don't want to be gotten
I want to be FORgotten
I want to be left in peace!
This is not a synonym for "I want you"
"I want to hear your scintillating thoughts"
"I await your every golden word"
"I love you secretly"
This is the straight up
real
unadulterated
exact translation for
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

and that is all it is or ever shall be.

Cie

The Straight Dope

Been down so low for so long
So tired of feeling lack
Where is the land of milk and honey
The promise of silver and gold
The end of the stress of having nothing
And wanting something more
It's not enough to write pretty words
It's not enough to dream pretty dreams
It's not enough to smell the roses blooming by the side of the dirty street
It's not the recognition
It's not the money in the bank
It's not the fawning crowds that praise you with knives held behind their backs
It's the need for the illusion of security
That drives me
And why I keep coming back
No matter how many times I get kicked in the teeth
I need something more than this
Maybe it's not spiritually developed
Or admirable
But it's the truth.

Cie

My Sorrow

The stench of my sorrow is as useless and ugly as I myself
Serving to change nothing
To comfort no-one
To do nothing but enrage
I am nothing but an ugly blight
And my sorrow nothing but a stain like blood marring a pristine linen sheet
Without me and the stench of my sorrow
The world would simply return to lying to itself
Pretending that all is wonderful
As long as one has the newest car, the finest house, the most jewelry
Ignoring as always the homeless, the sick, the dying
My sorrow does nothing
But annoy
And I shall remain but a failure
In a life that once held a lie disguised as a promise.

~Lily~
April 20 2007

Ghouls

Opportunists
Soul vampires
When you are in a moment of weakness, they come
Devouring your self-regard like jackals tearing at the flesh of wounded prey
When things are at their worst, they come
Digging into the flesh of your heart like maggots on a corpse
Like ghouls digging into a fresh grave they unearth and exploit your pain
Some people live to hurt
To humiliate
To break
To rape
To forever warp one's love for oneself
And when the dark night of the soul descends
They spring from the shadows
To feast on your agony
Until nothing but a skeleton remains

Me
March 30 2007

Alone

On a crowded street
In a room full of people
On a planet of millions
I was always
Am now
And ever will be
Alone.

03/28/07

Pretty Picture

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Beautiful Tragedy
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Magma

The Earth tries to contain her blood
But sometimes it must spill
Bringing release and destruction
Thus it is
With those who cut their body
To relieve their pain.

Me
03/08/2006

Roses On A Grave

I want to lie tangled in the thorns of the dead roses strewn upon your grave
And try to impart the last of my warmth to you
As the dying flame of hope within my putrefying heart
Is extinguished
My love was my decay.

(In honor of William Shakespeare, Edgar Allan Poe and Per Ohlin
Also inspired by the old English folk song, The Unquiet Grave)

Lily
(aka Cie)
February 12, 2007

Unforgettable Despair

The horror of your desperate final act stains my mind red like your blood
I can never think of you without the image of your violent despair creeping up on me
Any inward glimpse of you forever tainted
By having viewed the sanguine results of your remorseless self-hatred
A broken soul's inner anguish exploding to the surface
Burning into the minds of all who were forced to view the aftermath
Your unforgettable despair
Cie
January 12 2007

Surrender

I give myself over
To the cutting hate
Of the knowledge
That I am filth
That I am nothing
That I am unloved
Unwanted
Unmourned
I surrender to the knowledge
That my life is a waste.