Sonnet #80
LXXX.
O, how I faint when I of you do write,
Knowing a better spirit doth use your name,
And in the praise thereof spends all his might,
To make me tongue-tied, speaking of your fame!
But since your worth, wide as the ocean is,
The humble as the proudest sail doth bear,
My saucy bark inferior far to his
On your broad main doth wilfully appear.
Your shallowest help will hold me up afloat,
Whilst he upon your soundless deep doth ride;
Or being wreck'd, I am a worthless boat,
He of tall building and of goodly pride:
Then if he thrive and I be cast away,
The worst was this; my love was my decay.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
Deadly Secret
The secret inside me
Is a raging infection
A boil threatening to burst
Spewing its polluted contents through my blood
Destroying my soul
My secret is a festering, infected wound
Deep inside of me
Hidden from the world
Exuding a putrid stench
That no-one but me can smell
My secret is the shame held by
Anyone who has ever been violated
The filth that can never be washed away
The unbidden, unwanted arousal over unwanted thoughts
The sickness over the parts we hide beneath our clothes
And no matter how often I remind myself
That others hold similar secrets
Mine still feels like the filthiest secret in the world
And I feel like the world's filthiest liar
Cloaking the infection from the world
Whenever I speak
Cie
09/11/2006
Is a raging infection
A boil threatening to burst
Spewing its polluted contents through my blood
Destroying my soul
My secret is a festering, infected wound
Deep inside of me
Hidden from the world
Exuding a putrid stench
That no-one but me can smell
My secret is the shame held by
Anyone who has ever been violated
The filth that can never be washed away
The unbidden, unwanted arousal over unwanted thoughts
The sickness over the parts we hide beneath our clothes
And no matter how often I remind myself
That others hold similar secrets
Mine still feels like the filthiest secret in the world
And I feel like the world's filthiest liar
Cloaking the infection from the world
Whenever I speak
Cie
09/11/2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Alone With Myself
Tonight the pain within my heart
Flows out on a river of wasted tears
Alone with the moon shining coldly down on my agony
Alone with the sound of no-one's footsteps at my door
Alone with the sound of my breaking heart
Alone with only the pathology of my distorted thoughts
I don't know what love is
I only know obsession and loss
Desire is not love
And this can't be love
Because love is not pain
Desperation is not desire
But desire can be confused with obsession
I wait
Dangerously alone
Obsessed with no-one I can see
Desiring something I can't touch
Desperate for something I can't have
Alone with my thoughts torturing me
My mind twists around itself
And I slowly
Painfully
Go insane
Cie
08/15/2006
Flows out on a river of wasted tears
Alone with the moon shining coldly down on my agony
Alone with the sound of no-one's footsteps at my door
Alone with the sound of my breaking heart
Alone with only the pathology of my distorted thoughts
I don't know what love is
I only know obsession and loss
Desire is not love
And this can't be love
Because love is not pain
Desperation is not desire
But desire can be confused with obsession
I wait
Dangerously alone
Obsessed with no-one I can see
Desiring something I can't touch
Desperate for something I can't have
Alone with my thoughts torturing me
My mind twists around itself
And I slowly
Painfully
Go insane
Cie
08/15/2006
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Unrequited Again
Unrequited Again
Hate myself.
Hate my stupid life.
I would want to come be with you
Except I know I'm not the one you want.
I don't want to find nobody new
It hurts too much whenever it's done
Guess I don't want nobody at all
I just want this shit to be finished.
I miss a love that never was
I miss believing that I could be loved
I miss you more than anything
But I don't want to live a lie
Born to weep
Born to lose
Born to die
But not soon enough
Cie
08/13/2006
Hate myself.
Hate my stupid life.
I would want to come be with you
Except I know I'm not the one you want.
I don't want to find nobody new
It hurts too much whenever it's done
Guess I don't want nobody at all
I just want this shit to be finished.
I miss a love that never was
I miss believing that I could be loved
I miss you more than anything
But I don't want to live a lie
Born to weep
Born to lose
Born to die
But not soon enough
Cie
08/13/2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
True Beauty
Beauty on the inside
Is more difficult to see
Than beauty external
But far more precious when uncovered
Unfading
Eternal
Cie
08/09/2006
Is more difficult to see
Than beauty external
But far more precious when uncovered
Unfading
Eternal
Cie
08/09/2006
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Beautiful
For everyone who has ever been the victim of incest or molestation as a child
May you know that you are beautiful
In spite of the ugliness that was inflicted on you
Don't let the one that did this to you win!
Don't punish yourself for their sick act
Don't hate yourself for their perversion
Don't cut your precious flesh
Don't despise your wounded soul
Don't bring yourself to an untimely end
As so many have before you
Because they couldn't stand the pain
Of the violation inflicted
Upon the innocent child that they were
Once you have been transgressed this way
You always feel soiled inside
And nothing can remove the stain
Not scrubbing your skin till it bleeds
Or drinking to purify the blight
Or stuffing your emotions back inside with too much food
Shooting up, smoking up or taking pills
What is it that can make us realize
That like a scar on the outside
The scars that others have inflicted on our psyches
May leave us less than perfect
But nonetheless still beautiful
Especially within the part of us that no violation can ever touch
Our eternal soul
Cie
08/06/2006
May you know that you are beautiful
In spite of the ugliness that was inflicted on you
Don't let the one that did this to you win!
Don't punish yourself for their sick act
Don't hate yourself for their perversion
Don't cut your precious flesh
Don't despise your wounded soul
Don't bring yourself to an untimely end
As so many have before you
Because they couldn't stand the pain
Of the violation inflicted
Upon the innocent child that they were
Once you have been transgressed this way
You always feel soiled inside
And nothing can remove the stain
Not scrubbing your skin till it bleeds
Or drinking to purify the blight
Or stuffing your emotions back inside with too much food
Shooting up, smoking up or taking pills
What is it that can make us realize
That like a scar on the outside
The scars that others have inflicted on our psyches
May leave us less than perfect
But nonetheless still beautiful
Especially within the part of us that no violation can ever touch
Our eternal soul
Cie
08/06/2006
Saturday, August 05, 2006
On Life and Death
Dying reconciles everything, I suppose.
And like love, breaks hearts of those left behind.
Cie
08/05/2006
And like love, breaks hearts of those left behind.
Cie
08/05/2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
me gusta la noche
me gusta la noche
I wish I could leave comments at Little Nomad's blog. I love her spicy, hit and run style! It's really worth a look. You'll smile!
I wish I could leave comments at Little Nomad's blog. I love her spicy, hit and run style! It's really worth a look. You'll smile!
Trinity
She walks along the length of the couch
Across the computer keyboard
Stops to be scratched between the ears
She stands on her hind legs with her feet against the wall and meows
Everywhere I go she follows
She wants to be petted and praised
She doesn't like to sit on laps
Doesn't like to be held
Won't sleep any closer to you than your feet
I don't entirely understand her motivation
Nor do I understand how her owners could have abandoned such a beautiful animal
I know I'm glad she found me
And I would never dispose of my friend that way
She brings joy to the worst of days
I would say that she's more wonderful than she knows
But she's a cat, after all
So of course she knows she's wonderful.
Cie
08/03/2006
Across the computer keyboard
Stops to be scratched between the ears
She stands on her hind legs with her feet against the wall and meows
Everywhere I go she follows
She wants to be petted and praised
She doesn't like to sit on laps
Doesn't like to be held
Won't sleep any closer to you than your feet
I don't entirely understand her motivation
Nor do I understand how her owners could have abandoned such a beautiful animal
I know I'm glad she found me
And I would never dispose of my friend that way
She brings joy to the worst of days
I would say that she's more wonderful than she knows
But she's a cat, after all
So of course she knows she's wonderful.
Cie
08/03/2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
My Limitations
I'd like to trust you
But I don't know how
Any more than I know how to
Raise the dead
Snuff out the sun
Turn silver to gold
End war
Soothe the millions
Who hurt and cry
I'd like to believe you when you say you care for me
Above all others
But I can't
Any more than I can believe
That time heals all wounds
That the world is flat
That everything happens for a reason
That the universe revolves around the Earth
That God gives a damn about us
With so many more beautiful
More willing to give in immediately
Willing to serve you any way you ask
How can I believe you
When you say you love me?
I guess I'm just limited that way.
Cie
08/02/2006
But I don't know how
Any more than I know how to
Raise the dead
Snuff out the sun
Turn silver to gold
End war
Soothe the millions
Who hurt and cry
I'd like to believe you when you say you care for me
Above all others
But I can't
Any more than I can believe
That time heals all wounds
That the world is flat
That everything happens for a reason
That the universe revolves around the Earth
That God gives a damn about us
With so many more beautiful
More willing to give in immediately
Willing to serve you any way you ask
How can I believe you
When you say you love me?
I guess I'm just limited that way.
Cie
08/02/2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Crazy Good!
Click the title link to see an idea whose time has come!
Found on the Dumbfoundry blog. A blog which is highly superior to mine and which I don't visit nearly as often as I should. :-)
Found on the Dumbfoundry blog. A blog which is highly superior to mine and which I don't visit nearly as often as I should. :-)
The Destructive Power Of
A wave of jealousy washed over me
And I in turn drowned you in a wave of anger
Triggered by a betrayal
That happened many years ago
In every perceived slight
I still see its spectre
I grieve that I allowed the denizen of this unquiet grave
To rise up in the desecrated ground of my heart
And cast its malignant chill
Over the warmth I feel for you
Cie
07/30/2006
And I in turn drowned you in a wave of anger
Triggered by a betrayal
That happened many years ago
In every perceived slight
I still see its spectre
I grieve that I allowed the denizen of this unquiet grave
To rise up in the desecrated ground of my heart
And cast its malignant chill
Over the warmth I feel for you
Cie
07/30/2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Dark Obsession
I'm not ashamed of you
And if I only could
I'd let the world know the way I feel
I treasure your peculiar beauty
The predatory look in your eyes
And the way you sink your fangs into my heart
Injecting your venom like a snake
Destroying all hope within my soul
But I can't risk letting anyone know
For I would only be seen as mad
And others who are as obsessed with you as I
Would seek to destroy what was left of me
You never used me as you did some of them
You let me know from the start
That I didn't measure up
I told the world that I didn't care
But when I am alone at night I dream of you
If you promised you would treasure my heart
I would let you cut it from my chest
If you promised you would cleave to my soul I'd sell it to you
Along with any chance for future happiness
What must I do to merit your attention?
You treat me with disdain and I endure your devaluation
You smile at me but for a moment and I soar above my degredation
I can tell no-one of the truth between you and me
"It isn't healthy," they would say
It's an addiction
An obsession
And they are right
But I would rather have cancer eat away what's left of my decaying heart
Than to lose the slender thread by which I cling to you
Dark hearted beauty
Twisted treasure
You are the secret which I keep
You are my dark obsession
Cie
07/29/2006
And if I only could
I'd let the world know the way I feel
I treasure your peculiar beauty
The predatory look in your eyes
And the way you sink your fangs into my heart
Injecting your venom like a snake
Destroying all hope within my soul
But I can't risk letting anyone know
For I would only be seen as mad
And others who are as obsessed with you as I
Would seek to destroy what was left of me
You never used me as you did some of them
You let me know from the start
That I didn't measure up
I told the world that I didn't care
But when I am alone at night I dream of you
If you promised you would treasure my heart
I would let you cut it from my chest
If you promised you would cleave to my soul I'd sell it to you
Along with any chance for future happiness
What must I do to merit your attention?
You treat me with disdain and I endure your devaluation
You smile at me but for a moment and I soar above my degredation
I can tell no-one of the truth between you and me
"It isn't healthy," they would say
It's an addiction
An obsession
And they are right
But I would rather have cancer eat away what's left of my decaying heart
Than to lose the slender thread by which I cling to you
Dark hearted beauty
Twisted treasure
You are the secret which I keep
You are my dark obsession
Cie
07/29/2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Helpless
I feel so helpless
There's nothing I can do
For you
You've gone too deep into the night
Too far down the stairs to hell
No words I say can bring you light
I feel afraid
Lost too many people
Don't want to lose another
My life has been falling apart from birth
Can't we help each other stand
Instead of trying to stand alone
Against the tides of everything?
I feel so useless
Why can't my sincere feelings reach you
Why can't my friendship be enough to save you
From this pit of misery
I feel so alone
No-one to turn to
No-one can help me save you
You can't hear unless you want to
And I can't say anything more
On a planet with billions of people
In the end
We all die alone
Cie
07/27/2006
There's nothing I can do
For you
You've gone too deep into the night
Too far down the stairs to hell
No words I say can bring you light
I feel afraid
Lost too many people
Don't want to lose another
My life has been falling apart from birth
Can't we help each other stand
Instead of trying to stand alone
Against the tides of everything?
I feel so useless
Why can't my sincere feelings reach you
Why can't my friendship be enough to save you
From this pit of misery
I feel so alone
No-one to turn to
No-one can help me save you
You can't hear unless you want to
And I can't say anything more
On a planet with billions of people
In the end
We all die alone
Cie
07/27/2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
suicide
SUICIDE
The flesh is rent
The blood flows
Yet still the pain remains
The wound made deeper to extract
The intolerable anguish
Yet it remains
Deeply imbedded
Beyond the reach of the knife
Too slowly the blood flows
More drastic measures must be taken
To eliminate the pain
The life of the body ceases in a blinding flash
The life that was given ripped asunder in a moment
The soul, to its dismay, realizes too late
That deep within its core the pain remains
Love from my heart to the only one who truly understands my pain
This is his poem.
It's beautiful and sad
Like him.
07/19/2006
The flesh is rent
The blood flows
Yet still the pain remains
The wound made deeper to extract
The intolerable anguish
Yet it remains
Deeply imbedded
Beyond the reach of the knife
Too slowly the blood flows
More drastic measures must be taken
To eliminate the pain
The life of the body ceases in a blinding flash
The life that was given ripped asunder in a moment
The soul, to its dismay, realizes too late
That deep within its core the pain remains
Love from my heart to the only one who truly understands my pain
This is his poem.
It's beautiful and sad
Like him.
07/19/2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
Lies or Misunderstandings
LIES
Why do you lie
And pretend you care
Pretend to me
And yourself
That you wanted to be there
And when I need you
When I need a friend
When I need a shoulder
You run away
Gone
Was I something
That was interesting
At the beginning
But in the end
Being my friend
Was too complicated
Or was I too boring
Why
Do you lie
Did you pretend
You wanted a friend
When what you really wanted
Was something glamorous
That's not me
Or couldn't you see
My outsides don't lie
They reflect the I
That lives inside
Broken and twisted
Damaged goods
Forever scarred
Like the posessions that remain
After a house fire
Or the marks that remain on the skin
Of the victim of an accident
Or a beating
Or the scars that reside inside
From years of abuse
Betrayal
Abandonment
It is not wonderful to have a friend
For in the end
They all
Lie
And leave me alone again
Cie
07/17/2006
Why do you lie
And pretend you care
Pretend to me
And yourself
That you wanted to be there
And when I need you
When I need a friend
When I need a shoulder
You run away
Gone
Was I something
That was interesting
At the beginning
But in the end
Being my friend
Was too complicated
Or was I too boring
Why
Do you lie
Did you pretend
You wanted a friend
When what you really wanted
Was something glamorous
That's not me
Or couldn't you see
My outsides don't lie
They reflect the I
That lives inside
Broken and twisted
Damaged goods
Forever scarred
Like the posessions that remain
After a house fire
Or the marks that remain on the skin
Of the victim of an accident
Or a beating
Or the scars that reside inside
From years of abuse
Betrayal
Abandonment
It is not wonderful to have a friend
For in the end
They all
Lie
And leave me alone again
Cie
07/17/2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Keep Away
KEEP AWAY
Don't get to know me
Don't offer your friendship to me
Keep away from me
You'll only hurt me
Remain superficial
Then everything stays safe
Ethereal kindness that means nothing
A connection without substance
Don't come closer
Keep away
A heart of stone feels no pain
But mine is flesh
And filled with all the raw emotions of my soul
Keep away
You'll only lie
End up telling me goodbye
Let's don't let it get that far
Keep your distance
Sweet and shallow
Meaningless, ethereal
Don't raise my hopes to drop me from the height
Don't make me think everything's all right
It never is once they find out how I am
So do me a favor if you want to be my friend
And keep away from me
Cie
06/18/2006
Don't get to know me
Don't offer your friendship to me
Keep away from me
You'll only hurt me
Remain superficial
Then everything stays safe
Ethereal kindness that means nothing
A connection without substance
Don't come closer
Keep away
A heart of stone feels no pain
But mine is flesh
And filled with all the raw emotions of my soul
Keep away
You'll only lie
End up telling me goodbye
Let's don't let it get that far
Keep your distance
Sweet and shallow
Meaningless, ethereal
Don't raise my hopes to drop me from the height
Don't make me think everything's all right
It never is once they find out how I am
So do me a favor if you want to be my friend
And keep away from me
Cie
06/18/2006
Sunday, June 11, 2006
My Shadow
He wraps himself around me
Arms and legs
Silent heartbeat
Ethereal warmth
Taking the edge off the growing chill
The shivering caused by too many years
Lived without hope
Cie
06/10/2006
Arms and legs
Silent heartbeat
Ethereal warmth
Taking the edge off the growing chill
The shivering caused by too many years
Lived without hope
Cie
06/10/2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Lord of Night
The sorrows of the day past crush me down
I wish for solace, to escape the acid tears that sting my eyes
I long for the moment when I may finally lay to rest
Encompassed in your silken indigo embrace
Lord of Night, grant me the soothing oblivion of your caress
Wash away my sorrows with your nepenthe
Rock my troubled soul as on the waves of a calm ocean
And receive for your own the warmth of my devotion
Lord of Night, salvation of my soul
Cie
06/07/2006
I wish for solace, to escape the acid tears that sting my eyes
I long for the moment when I may finally lay to rest
Encompassed in your silken indigo embrace
Lord of Night, grant me the soothing oblivion of your caress
Wash away my sorrows with your nepenthe
Rock my troubled soul as on the waves of a calm ocean
And receive for your own the warmth of my devotion
Lord of Night, salvation of my soul
Cie
06/07/2006
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