Numb Again

Please remember that I'm here
Please try to connect to me
For if you forget me for too long
Then I'll be forced to forget about you
To push you to the back of my mind
And the bottom of my aching heart
Maybe I really don't matter to you
And you're tired of me trying
I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt
But the first betrayal is the worst
The ones that follow a numb ache
So please remember
Because, sadly
With the dull throb of a heart too many times broken
I'm starting to believe
I should forget about you
Don't throw me a crumb now and then
Either nourish the connection
Or break it
And forget it
And leave me
Numb again.
Cie
05/30/2006

Makeup Mask

I sometimes wonder
how many times
I have stopped
my tears from flowing
so as not to smear
my mascara
and my image of flawless cool

Cie
05/27/2006

I Don't Want To

I don't want to hear
That you never loved me
That I was in this alone
That you used me like the rest of them
Until you tired of me
I don't want to hear
That you never thought me beautiful
That I never made your eyes sparkle
That I never touched your heart
I don't want to hear
That it was fun for a while
That I misunderstood your intentions
That I was just a bump in the road
That she's prettier than me
That what we had didn't mean anything
I don't want to hear
That I was nothing but a lie
That you were nothing but a dream
That I fooled myself
That you were just having fun
I don't want to hear
That I was as stupid as I know I am
I don't want to hear that it's over
I don't want to hear that it never existed
I don't want to hear myself cry
I don't want to hear anyone else lie
And say they love me
I don't want to hear
Anymore

Cie
04/19/2006

Requiem

SHOULD'A
Should'a got drunk
Or done drugs to get through
Should'a done damn near anything
But what you chose to do

Should'a run screaming
Or howled at the moon
But you locked yourself up
With a gun in your room

I know how it feels
To be so alone
No-one understands
And you can't go home

There's so many other things
You should'a done
But you forget what to do
When your life's come undone

Some people say
That you should buck up and smile
They should try living
In pain for a while

Please understand
When I'm angry with you
I'm also trying to tell me
What I shouldn't do

TWO ALIKE
Too completely alike
Two souls isolated
One life that's been taken
One death contemplated

I saw you in a dream
You said it was your worst mistake
I try to listen to your wisdom
And not my heartache

Throughout this whole mess
One thing seems incomplete
Why two sorry people
Couldn't have been allowed to meet

Maybe we're too wrapped up in our pain
To be any damn kind of use
But if we shared compassion
It might counteract the abuse

I love you because I understand
I hate you because you didn't wait
We're two alike
I'm trying to escape a like fate

TORN APART
You'll never know what it would be like to have someone understand your pain
I'll never know what it would be like to have someone understand my rage
It does you no good for me to tell you that you royally fucked up
You already know, and I believe you're trying to help me not to make the same mistake
But it would be a whole hell of a lot easier to get it
If I were talking to a person with a face that I could see outside my dreams
With hands that could take the blade and pills from my hands
With a voice that I could hear in my ears
A friend that I could have in my waking reality
I believe the soul transcends death
But I still think it would be better if you could have conquered life
Learned what it is to be strong
And shared your strength with me
But you can't take back what happened
So the only thing that you can teach me now
Is that you can't fix the thing that's tearing you apart inside
By tearing yourself apart physically

MISUNDERSTOOD
Misunderstood then
Misunderstood now
Misunderstood forever
Could it help if you knew that someone understands?
Or is it truly too late
I understand
And I give a damn
May the peace that you never had in life
Be upon you in the afterlife
May your wounds heal
And may you learn to have compassion for yourself
RIP
Friend whom I wasn't able to know in life
But whom I care about in spirit

Cie

Written 04/05/06
For Per Yngve Ohlin
January 16, 1969-April 8, 1991
Read his poetry
Read my tribute to him at the Shadow Sphere

The Beautiful Dreams of an Unbeautiful Dreamer

THE BEAUTIFUL DREAMS OF AN UNBEAUTIFUL DREAMER
I lie safe and happy in the arms of the perfect man
Not perfect in face or body
But perfectly sweet in spirit
Gentle in manner
A little bit shy
A little bit strange
Big sense of humor
Tempered with a little sadness
Strong, long-fingered hands
Caressing, appreciating
The parts of me I hate the most
Deep, warm kisses, only for me
Drawing me out of the shell of my fear
Into his arms and his heart
Returning his sweet love
I wake alone in my shabby room
Except for the animals wanting to be fed
And the neighbor's children shouting and jumping on the trampoline.
Cie
03/30/2006

But Is It Art??

Click the title link for a laugh. I don't know if it's poetry. I know it ain't literature! But it rhymes. And it's funny. In my book, that's worth something for sure!
The Deadly Cheesemeister

Rex Venom

Rex Venom
Straight dudes and lesbian ladies will like the pictures.
I, who am an Externally Straight Woman with an Inner Gay Dude, like the poetry!

If I Followed You

If I Followed You

What would you do if I followed you?
When I'm so tired and sad inside
Feeling as unloved as you seemed to be
Would you give the love that you needed to me?

What would you do if I followed you?
Would you chase me away if I came near?
No-one's ever invited me to stay in their world
Unless they wanted to use me for something
Why should you be the exception?

What would you do if I followed you?
Would you take me into your heart?
Would you bury me alive in your rage and pain?
Would you hate me as much as you hated everything?

What would you do if I followed you?
Would you wash my soul clean with your tears?
Would you love me as much as you need to be loved?
Or would you discard me as you were discarded by life?

What would you do if I followed you?
Would you give me the understanding you crave?
Or would you mock me as you have been mocked?
Can the wounded ever hope to be healed?
Or are we doomed to cause one another eternal misery?

Following nothing I offer my love to no-one
I sacrifice my pain to nothing
I weep at the grave of no-one
And I drown the world in my desolate tears

Cie
02/13/2006

Let Sylvia Say It

Can't think of one of my own...
So here's one by Sylvia Plath.
You've probably read it.
But I want to post it!

Mad Girl's Love Song
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
--Sylvia Plath

shyloh's Poetry

shyloh's Poetry
Pretty poetry. Not melancholy and morose like my stuff. So if you need to brighten up before you hang yourself after reading what I've written, and the works of other dispirited favorites, go here!
Peace,
The Cheesemeister

Zya's Ramblings

Zya's Ramblings
There are beautiful and impressive things to be found here. Take a look!

Thoughts are Things

THOUGHTS ARE THINGS
Thoughts are things
And my thoughts are
Vampires, ghouls
Soul-destroying murderers
Obliterating all happiness and light
Possessing me
Obsessing me
With things I never wished to see
Thoughts are things
My thoughts are
The faces of the dead who know no rest
Maddened, demon posessed
Tortured souls who know no salvation
Calling out to me for a gentle touch I can no longer give
Tearing at my already lacerated, battered heart
Making me wish for oblivion
No love
No hope
No salvation
No holy bringers of kindness
My thoughts are winged dragons of sorrow
Darkening all light
All hope for salvation lost
In eternal night
Behind thoughts of despair
From a soul who weeps eternally
Cie
02/05/2006

My Vogon Poetry--get yours!

Warning! Reading this could be deadly!
It's my very own Vogon poem!
Click the title link to get one for yourself.

See, see the exhausting sky
Marvel at its big mustard depths.
Tell me, Scot do you
Wonder why the mole rat ignores you?
Why its foobly stare makes you feel ****ty.

I can tell you, it is
Worried by your florgrax facial growth
That looks like A mold.
What's more, it knows
Your plop potting shed
Smells of brussels sprout.
Everything under the big exhausting sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm methanes.

Close To Midnight

It's closing in on midnight
And I'm doing too much thinking
Maybe I'd be better off
If I quit thinking and started drinking

It's closing in on midnight
And no-one knows I'm here
As lonely and as cold as space
Too weary to shed a tear

An open wound, abraded heart
Lost in a world of frozen lives
Suicide, dying bride
No-one even tries

It's closing in on midnight
And I am all alone
No-one even haunts my thoughts
My heart is cold as stone

A trust betrayed too many times
Leads to a soul gone dead
I'm more alone than I've ever been
Without even a vision in my head

It's closing in on midnight
I'm alone in bad company
Sometimes your dreams are your best friends
But your thoughts are your enemies

No one sees you when you're alive
Or notices your suicide
I've considered being dead
But it's ethereal loneliness instead

It's closing in on midnight
And I wonder why I was born
Selfish souls don't notice when you're alive
And when you're dead, black hearts don't mourn

No-one really knows me
And I don't expect them to care
But there are times when I truly wish
That someone would be there

It's closing in on midnight
And I've no more to say
Don't suggest meds, I'm already on 'em
This is just a fucked up day

From my pissed off bipolar head to your computer screen:
Cie

Dream of Love

You were only a dream of
Undying love
Something that could have been
But never was
You went away
And left me to dream alone
You briefly touched my troubled soul
And caused my dormant heart to stir within
But you were only a dream
A fleeting vision
A butterfly with broken wings
You left too soon
Or I woke too quickly
Now you are only a memory of
Unrequited love
Too ethereal to be real
Too painful to be an illusion
My love for you is like looking in a mirror
That casts no reflection
My dream of holding you is like swimming in air
Nothing really there to hold me up
I can only fall and crash
You were only a dream of
Eternal love
And I woke too soon.
1/15/2006

When You Can't Think Of One of your Own...

Just Go With The Poe!
This is Version I of a poem that Edgar Allan apparently wrote with his brother William Henry.

The Happiest Day
The happiest day — the happiest hour,
My sear'd and blighted heart has known,
The brightest glance of pride and power
I feel hath flown —

Of power, said I? Yes, such I ween —
But it has vanish'd — long alas!
The visions of my youth have been —
But let them pass. —

And pride! what have I now with thee?
Another brow may e'en inherit
The venom thou hast pour'd on me :
Be still my spirit.

The smile of love — soft friendship's charm —
Bright hope itself has fled at last,
'T will ne'er again my bosom warm—
'Tis ever past.

The happiest day, — the happiest hour,
Mine eyes shall see, — have ever seen, —
The brightest glance of pride and power,
I feel has been.

Edgar Allan and William Henry Poe
1827

New Years Blast from the Past

The new year was 1987, you see
The players from left to right are Dudes 1, 2 and 3
It was time to party and everyone had a task
To make this the wildest ever new years type bash
Dude 1 was the man put in charge of the sound
Dude 2 needed to make sure there were enough drinks to go 'round
Dude 3 was the fella providing the house
But needed to buy traps for the stirring-type mouse
So these wise guys three went each to complete his task
A recipe for disaster? Need you even ask?

Dude 1 chose the loudest music to play through the night
Sure to give all of the calmer neighbors a fright
Dude 2 found a punch recipe and bought a case of cheap rum
Along with wine and some beer so as to please everyone
Dude 3 bought all the mousetraps left at the store
Then went down the block to score a few dozen more
One and three set up the speakers and went to buy food
Leaving the mixing of the egg nog to the number 2 dude

Dude 2 mixed up the nog and thought it just a tad mild
Which wouldn't do at a party where things would get wild
So he dumped another bottle of rum in the mix
But it still didn't seem to have enough kick
If two bottles weren't enough, he thought he'd better add four
Took a few swigs for good measure and threw the empty jugs on the floor
When his two friends came back, he was well on the path
To getting into the spirit of the new year's eve bash

The party got going and it was rowdy and loud
People just driving by stopped to join with the crowd
When midnight came round the clock bell tolled in the town
But it was well past drowned out from the noise going down
Things kept on rockin' and showed no signs of stoppin'
Till the cops came to the door and started loudly to knockin'

The three hosts of the party staggered out on the stoop
The cops couldn't help but chuckle at this unruly group
"Say guys," the one said, "could you turn down the tunes?
You're playing it so loud we're getting complaints from the moon!"
"Fush off!" said Dude 1, who'd had well past too much.
"Either come in and get wasted, or take off in a rush."
"Wow, look at the moons," Dude two slurred drunkenly.
"There ain't just one there no more, I shink I see two or three."
"Man, you are so wasted," Dude 3 said on cue
"You reek so of rum that I can see three of you!"

The cops finally convinced them to turn the stereo down
'Cause they really didn't want to bother to take them downtown
"They'll just puke in the jail," one cop said to the other.
"And I'm really not in the mood to call anyone's mother.
Besides, come tomorrow, they'll pay for their folly
So as long as they're quiet, might as well let 'em be jolly.
So fellas, don't do anything that I wouldn't do
As it is, come tomorrow, it will suck to be you!"

That cop must have been psychic, for come the next day
The Hangover Piper was making the partiers pay
For overindulging in too much libation
Their train had pulled into Crapulence Station
Dude One lay in the corner whimpering like a sad dog
Dude Two lay on the bed feeling like he'd been beat with a clog
Dude Three lay in the closet to drown out the noise
Of the groaning and moaning from the other two boys

"My mouth tastes like I've been chewing on somebody's shoe,"
Dude One griped as he opened the curtains to let light in the room
"God damn, will you close 'em, my eyes are on fire!"
Dude Two screamed with the voice of a sunstruck vampire
"Could you guys shut up, you're hurting my brain,"
Dude three cried from the closet, his voice full of pain.

A mere moment later there was a knock at the door
Dude One opened it up to find a note on the floor
It was written in a scribbly, scratchity way
He had to look at it twice to see what it had to say
"A memo from the mice," is what the note read
"Your dumb traps didn't work--we just hid under the bed.
We had a party of our own with the leftover grog
Tell that tall blond friend of yours he makes a good nog.
Next time save the money you spent on the traps
And buy some more cheese and other good crap.
Make peace with us and we won't piss in your beer.
Look forward to partying again the same time next year!"

So to all who read this I hope your new year's eve was the tops
And that you didn't drink and drive, 'cause then you'll spend new year's day with the cops!

Peace to y'all
And apologies to the guys in the photo.
It's just that they kinda look like they fell under the spout of a beer keg before their photo shoot started! And it was good beer, so they couldn't let it go to waste. I fully understand! It's happened to me before. But we won't talk about that right now!
Hopefully they'd be happy that they inspired such righteous rhyme.
'Twas wrought with much love as I matched words and time!

Happy New Year to all,
from
Ms. Cheese 2006

Poe-st Toasty

Enjoy with my compliments another Poe-etic gem! This one was apparently co-written with his brother Henry.
The Happiest Day
The happiest day–the happiest hour
My sear'd and blighted heart hath known,
The highest hope of pride and power,
I feel hath flown.

Of power! said I? yes! such I ween;
But they have vanish'd long, alas!
The visions of my youth have been-
But let them pass.

And, pride, what have I now with thee?
Another brow may even inherit
The venom thou hast pour'd on me
Be still, my spirit!

The happiest day–the happiest hour
Mine eyes shall see–have ever seen,
The brightest glance of pride and power,
I feel–have been:

But were that hope of pride and power
Now offer'd with the pain
Even then I felt–that brightest hour
I would not live again:

For on its wing was dark alloy,
And, as it flutter'd–fell
An essence–powerful to destroy
A soul that knew it well.
THE END

Shame, Shame, Shame

Shame, Shame, Shame
The finger has been pointed
And the ones who are to blame
Are those who profit from and exploit
Another person's pain

Those who stand by apathetic
And who revel in the same
Though they may not have created it
Are equally to blame

They ought to be ashamed
But they don't give a damn
They keep looking for more victims
To add to their vile plan

Using little children
For sexual exploitation
Marrying sex with gore and violence
Is a shame on every nation

Images of real murder and suicide
Used for entertainment is plain vile
Where I feel their pain, someone else gets a thrill
How can misfortune make some people smile?

Is it freedom of expression
To depict rape as being fun?
Should images of mutilated corpses
Be on view for everyone?

I try to understand and to have sympathy
But some are evil to the core
I've only got so much kindness to go 'round
I've none left for evil ones any more

I hope that they all rot in hell
For the pain they've brought to others
I really don't care if God has pity on them
May He have pity on the victims' mothers

Shame and shame and shame again
On those who exploit others' misfortune
Shame on those who enjoy seeing anguish exploited
I hope that one day you'll be scorchin'

In Hell there's always plenty of room
For those who did others a wicked turn
And while unconditional love is the kindest of ways
Some people just need to burn

Mercy on the souls of those exploited so wrongly
Mercy on the souls of those who mourn them each day
Mercy on the souls of those exposed accidentally
To images which bring such dismay

Shame on the souls of those who exploit
The helpless and lost ones they meet
I hope that one day justice will be met on them
In the name of all they mistreat

Blessings on those who give a damn
Though we may appear to be few
We can't stop trying to heal what's gone wrong
And hoping to let love renew

Peace upon those who have suffered exploitation
Peace upon the victims of mutilation
Peace upon those who chose suicide
Peace upon their loved ones who cried
Peace upon the planet
Peace upon the Universe

Written 12/28/2005
By Cie
Who's damn pissed off
But still really cares about my fellow humans
Even though there seem to be a disproportionate number of assholes and morons among us!

Writing Novels, Alchemy, Tarot and Poetry

Interesting.