I Don't Want To

I don't want to hear
That you never loved me
That I was in this alone
That you used me like the rest of them
Until you tired of me
I don't want to hear
That you never thought me beautiful
That I never made your eyes sparkle
That I never touched your heart
I don't want to hear
That it was fun for a while
That I misunderstood your intentions
That I was just a bump in the road
That she's prettier than me
That what we had didn't mean anything
I don't want to hear
That I was nothing but a lie
That you were nothing but a dream
That I fooled myself
That you were just having fun
I don't want to hear
That I was as stupid as I know I am
I don't want to hear that it's over
I don't want to hear that it never existed
I don't want to hear myself cry
I don't want to hear anyone else lie
And say they love me
I don't want to hear
Anymore

Cie
04/19/2006

Requiem

SHOULD'A
Should'a got drunk
Or done drugs to get through
Should'a done damn near anything
But what you chose to do

Should'a run screaming
Or howled at the moon
But you locked yourself up
With a gun in your room

I know how it feels
To be so alone
No-one understands
And you can't go home

There's so many other things
You should'a done
But you forget what to do
When your life's come undone

Some people say
That you should buck up and smile
They should try living
In pain for a while

Please understand
When I'm angry with you
I'm also trying to tell me
What I shouldn't do

TWO ALIKE
Too completely alike
Two souls isolated
One life that's been taken
One death contemplated

I saw you in a dream
You said it was your worst mistake
I try to listen to your wisdom
And not my heartache

Throughout this whole mess
One thing seems incomplete
Why two sorry people
Couldn't have been allowed to meet

Maybe we're too wrapped up in our pain
To be any damn kind of use
But if we shared compassion
It might counteract the abuse

I love you because I understand
I hate you because you didn't wait
We're two alike
I'm trying to escape a like fate

TORN APART
You'll never know what it would be like to have someone understand your pain
I'll never know what it would be like to have someone understand my rage
It does you no good for me to tell you that you royally fucked up
You already know, and I believe you're trying to help me not to make the same mistake
But it would be a whole hell of a lot easier to get it
If I were talking to a person with a face that I could see outside my dreams
With hands that could take the blade and pills from my hands
With a voice that I could hear in my ears
A friend that I could have in my waking reality
I believe the soul transcends death
But I still think it would be better if you could have conquered life
Learned what it is to be strong
And shared your strength with me
But you can't take back what happened
So the only thing that you can teach me now
Is that you can't fix the thing that's tearing you apart inside
By tearing yourself apart physically

MISUNDERSTOOD
Misunderstood then
Misunderstood now
Misunderstood forever
Could it help if you knew that someone understands?
Or is it truly too late
I understand
And I give a damn
May the peace that you never had in life
Be upon you in the afterlife
May your wounds heal
And may you learn to have compassion for yourself
RIP
Friend whom I wasn't able to know in life
But whom I care about in spirit

Cie

Written 04/05/06
For Per Yngve Ohlin
January 16, 1969-April 8, 1991
Read his poetry
Read my tribute to him at the Shadow Sphere