Undecided

A feeling of terrible loneliness and betrayal washes over me
But I don't know if the sadness I experience is from my wounded heart
Or just my fucked up brain.

Cie
09/28/2006

Shakespeare Sonnet #80

Sonnet #80
LXXX.
O, how I faint when I of you do write,
Knowing a better spirit doth use your name,
And in the praise thereof spends all his might,
To make me tongue-tied, speaking of your fame!
But since your worth, wide as the ocean is,
The humble as the proudest sail doth bear,
My saucy bark inferior far to his
On your broad main doth wilfully appear.
Your shallowest help will hold me up afloat,
Whilst he upon your soundless deep doth ride;
Or being wreck'd, I am a worthless boat,
He of tall building and of goodly pride:
Then if he thrive and I be cast away,
The worst was this; my love was my decay.

Deadly Secret

The secret inside me
Is a raging infection
A boil threatening to burst
Spewing its polluted contents through my blood
Destroying my soul

My secret is a festering, infected wound
Deep inside of me
Hidden from the world
Exuding a putrid stench
That no-one but me can smell

My secret is the shame held by
Anyone who has ever been violated
The filth that can never be washed away
The unbidden, unwanted arousal over unwanted thoughts
The sickness over the parts we hide beneath our clothes

And no matter how often I remind myself
That others hold similar secrets
Mine still feels like the filthiest secret in the world
And I feel like the world's filthiest liar
Cloaking the infection from the world
Whenever I speak

Cie
09/11/2006