A loss invisible to most

Just feeling like I'm losing the real me
In the middle of trying to be
What everyone else wants me to.

Cancer of the Soul

Apathy
Born of disappointment
Bastard child of exhaustion
Infects my heart and mind
And metastasizes to my soul

The husks of lost tomorrows
The putrefying corpses of dead dreams
Litter the landscape of my psyche
My joy turns to dust
My hopes rot unburied on a hateful landscape of delusion
As the merciless sun burns scorches the dying world of my visions

The cancer of apathy consumes my ability to care
Love floats bloated and dead on a sea of filth
I want to care
I want to feel
I want to open my arms and embrace
Death

My heart would explode if I were to allow myself to feel
The cancer of apathy tightens about it like a vine
Chokes the life from all that I ever held dear
I am a husk
A shell
An appearance of something human

I am poisoned by the chemotherapy of normalcy
I stand undead
Enraged
Wishing to tear out the hearts of all that judged me
Wishing to feel something besides hate
Wishing to wake up and find something beautiful.

Lily and Shadow Lurker

The concept was mine but the weight of the embellishment is my spectral friend's. The style I use to express such things is different. It's pretty difficult for me to write poetry any more but he took the idea and ran with it. The medical references are from my mind--I've had way more medical training than I'd ever have wished.

He states that the death reference obviously doesn't mean physically dying in his case. He still gets depressed and wishes he could shut off his mind. Direct quote:

"This is the dirty trick on anyone that chooses to kill themselfs. Your thoughts will never shut up! If you think to shut up your unhappiness by dying, the joke is on you."

I try to keep that in mind because sometimes the temptation to give up is strong.

I also don't want to leave the suicide legacy to my son, who suffers from bouts of severe depression. If I was to yack myself, the message his psyche would hear would be "this is the only way to solve things." The world needs more people like him. So I want him to keep fighting.

Besides, the minute I showed up on the other side, the tall, gaunt dude would smack me so hard my head would spin around Exorcist-style in order to try and clear the wax out of my ears. He's always accusing me of not listening as it is. I'm listening--I'm just ignoring him!

Only joking. I actually do hear. But my brain, which is made of lime Jello, works slow and sometimes things take a while to penetrate the coagulation. Besides, he's a little fucker that teases me about stuff all the time, so I have to make vain attempts to get even every now and then.

Doing this actually made me feel better. I hope it had the same effect for my friend. Yes, I give him shit, but the truth is, I love you, Dude.

There's some good vengeance. He ought to be cringing for some time now! >;)