Paper Doll

Let me tell you
What makes me weary
I'm sick and tired of
Everyone who thinks they know better than me
What I should be
What I should do
What I should think
And who wants to dress me in pretty pastels
And wrap me up with bows
And paint a smile on my face
Because that's what a girl should be
And who wants to give me scented lotions
And mysterious potions
And push pills down my throat
To turn me into who they think I should have become
And who wants to tell me what I should dream
What I should imagine
What I should create
Take a scissor
And a big square of paper
And cut out the form of a woman
About 5 foot five
With the perfect measurements of course
Because a woman's hips shouldn't be this wide
And then draw a perfect face
Always smiling of course
Because good girls never get angry or frown
And you can name it after me
And then you can have just what you want
And it will never be sad
Or sick
Or disobedient
I've just given you the perfect woman
Now why don't you give me what I want
And leave me the fuck alone?

The Real Lily/Cie
Flawed as fuck
Angry as hell
Tired of playing nice

Back to Black

(a convoluted fucking poem that doesn't rhyme in the same way all the time and follows no fucking format, just tells that I am having a BAD FUCKING DAY and feeling very alone and friendless right now, and if you don't like it, fuck off. I don't need anyone's condescending attitude. I'm crazy, not stupid, and condescension does not sit well with me. So if you don't have something kind or helpful to say, don't say anything at all. And don't even talk to me about meds. Most of them make me very, very sick. I can't take them. Poetry that HONESTLY tells how I'm feeling is one of the ways I cope. So if you're only going to tell me I "need help..." Bitch, I already know that and am getting the help I can! This is one of the things that helps me. If you can relate, cool. If you can sympathize, cool. If all you're going to do is tell me how "sick" I am, then piss off and die. This is it, this is real, this happens sometimes. Roll with it or go visit some fucking celebrity fan page and leave me alone. That being said, here it is. And it's worth every penny you paid for it!)

The bleak has set in
And I'm back to black
Feeling the gloom closing me in its trap

I want to take a gun
To my head, to my heart
To just end all this shit
To tear this misery apart

I won't I suppose
Though it would feel good in a way
To have revenge on the gloom
That ties me up in this way

I'm sick of the people
Telling me how to feel
I'm sick of hiding my emotions
And not saying what's real

I'm not always like this
But some of the time
I'm trapped in the darkness
Though the sun shines outside

And there are some people
Whose lives are that way
Abused and confused
In a prison each day

And who is anyone to tell them that they should just be happy
That the darkness isn't real
That their feelings are wrong

Who is anyone to judge
The anguish within
Those who give up the fight
Feeling there's no way to win

I guess I'm still fighting
For what the fuck it is worth
But at the same time I'm cursing
The day of my birth

"Quit complaining," I'm told
"Or take some kind of drug"
The drugs make me more crazy
I'd rather just take a slug

Give me a bullet
Give me a gun
Give me a black day alone
And I'll make it done

Lily
The Frustrated, Pissed off and Crazy Bitch From Hell

Damned Gloom

The damned gloom
Settles upon me at moments
most inopportune

It comes without reason
Whatever the season
And leaves me inclined to curse

The Universe
Which allows me to fall
and to be crushed beneath

The unwanted spell
The unwarranted hell
Brought upon me at any time

Day or night
In darkness or light
By the damned gloom.

Lily