Steel on Flesh

Fragile peace with self
Shattered by the desire
To feel the sharp scream of pain as silver slashes skin
And blood erupts from the vein beneath
Not because cutting turns me on
And damn any idiot that believes anything so stupid
But because the pain that eats into my brain
Sometimes becomes more than I can take
Because madness isn't fun
Or sexy
I don't need your patronizing
Or your mocking
I know right from wrong
Visible from invisible
I don't see things that aren't there
Or hear voices
Although I do talk to spirits.
I haven't cut in years
But I want to now
Because sometimes I want to stop the voice
Of my own self-hate
If I could drag it out of me
I'd cut its damn throat
If I could, I would be happy
And sometimes I am
Pills don't bring joy
Or peace
Only occasional solace from the buzzing of the inner demons that tell me I'm shit.
The angels love the shiny happy people
And run from those whose souls bleed pain
Which is why sometimes steel on flesh
Has been the only way
To eradicate the cancer
Of intolerable psychic agony.

Cie
12/26/2006

To Those Who Think They Know What I Need

Don't try to change me
To fit your view
Of what I should be
To make you more comfortable
Because something about me
Makes me question your values
I am
What I am
Maybe I'm completely mistaken
Maybe I'm utterly mad
Maybe I'm chasing myself in circles
Maybe I'm damned to eternal hellfire
Maybe everything I've ever done or thought or dreamed or believed is one big fucking stupid ugly lie
But don't you ever
ever
ever think
That you have the right
To tell me how to be
You may think you know better
But you don't live inside my soul
So don't you fucking try to force your values
Your beliefs
Your should be's
Onto me!

Cie
12/19/2006

Spirit Of The Moon

Ethereal being, moonlight fair
With opal skin and moonstone hair
Wings of black like the night sky
Disappearing when the day is nigh

Daylight lays bare my misery
To the ridicule of those who see
The sorrow I cannot put to rights
My tears are hidden by the night

The moon-priest holds me to his breast
Safe in his arms allowed to rest
Embracing my secrets tenderly
Never mocking, sets me free

The daylight dwellers ridicule
Call me a madwoman and a fool
But their blind souls will never know
The beauty in the tender glow

Within the moonlight's sweet embrace
Even those despised are given grace
Flaws unacceptable in sun's bright light
Are sometimes beautiful at night

To those seen as ugly and maligned
The Spirit of the Moon is kind
Behind the black of nighttime's shield
The beauty of our souls, revealed.

Cie
12/11/2006

I generally prefer not to write rhyming poems, but I kind of like this one.

Achievable Aspirations

I wish that in my youth I had aspired
To be a fat, ugly, gray-haired old woman
With no accomplishments to show for having achieved vintage status
For I would have succeeded undeniably.

Cie
12/10/2006