Fragile peace with self
Shattered by the desire
To feel the sharp scream of pain as silver slashes skin
And blood erupts from the vein beneath
Not because cutting turns me on
And damn any idiot that believes anything so stupid
But because the pain that eats into my brain
Sometimes becomes more than I can take
Because madness isn't fun
Or sexy
I don't need your patronizing
Or your mocking
I know right from wrong
Visible from invisible
I don't see things that aren't there
Or hear voices
Although I do talk to spirits.
I haven't cut in years
But I want to now
Because sometimes I want to stop the voice
Of my own self-hate
If I could drag it out of me
I'd cut its damn throat
If I could, I would be happy
And sometimes I am
Pills don't bring joy
Or peace
Only occasional solace from the buzzing of the inner demons that tell me I'm shit.
The angels love the shiny happy people
And run from those whose souls bleed pain
Which is why sometimes steel on flesh
Has been the only way
To eradicate the cancer
Of intolerable psychic agony.
Cie
12/26/2006
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5 comments:
Because sometimes I want to stop the voice
Of my own self-hate
If I could drag it out of me
I'd cut its damn throat
Good to know I'm not the only one plotting the demon's death...
Powerful poems Cie.
Thank you, Amanda.
Good luck battling your demons too!
Dont do it Cara
Life isnt bad
it only seems so
i felt dat way too once
but now i am glad i am alive
We need u more than u no
Words like razors.. slice and burn..beautifully expressed cheesemeister.
Saby,
Actually self-mutilation is a different battle than suicide for me, though they are "kissing cousins."
Concise: Thanks for the kind words.
Knight: That's why I do it--to get this shit out.
Interestingly enough, the blogs that get the fewest comments are my humor blogs. I guess that's because no-one gets my sense of humor, but lots of people can relate to pain, and being pissed off. Sucks that the world has to be this way!
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