I was inspired to create this piece for a couple of reasons. One of them is the song "Gone Away" by the Offspring. The lyrics and my thoughts regarding this song can be found in the previous post.
The other is because it's a way to work out my emotions surrounding the difficult issue of suicide and the reasons why people who I'd rather were alive took their own lives. The words may refer to a specific person, but the feeling encompasses several people.
I understand why people commit suicide and have attempted it myself. Most of the attempts were pretty half-assed, in retrospect. But sometimes I wonder why I failed and those who live forever in my mind and whom I can't touch succeeded. Why did no-one intervene? I can drive myself crazy with these questions.
I alternate between wanting to hug these people close or to kick them in the ass hard!
If they were to appear before me, I'd say something like "Oh my God, it's so good to see you, you bone-headed stupid fuck! How could you kill yourself and break everyone's heart that loved you? How could you fail to see that you were loved?"
Of course it's way more complicated than those who have never been suicidal can imagine.
With no further ado, here's my poem.
Beautiful Dark Soul
Beautiful dark soul
Why couldn't you hold out
The gift of life that was given to you
So quickly was snuffed out
Your belief that you were worth nothing
That nobody cared for you
Deprived the world of something
More precious than you ever knew
Beautiful dark soul
Hurting so badly inside
I didn't understand you at first
But once I knew better, I cried
For a friend that I can never in this life meet
For someone who touched my heart
Life is a gift but it can be cruel
And I guess that it tore you apart
Dear spirit, I hope you are peaceful
That the pain inside has been soothed
That you understand now that many did care
And that your self-hate is removed
Beautiful dark soul
I hope I can know you someday
I'd consider it a privilege and honor
To call you my friend if I may
Written December 23, 2005
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